From The “Did She Really Say That” Files….
Well yes, she did.
My sister decided she wanted to have her nose done. Her nose wasn’t bad but if that’s what will make you happy when you look in the mirror, what the hell. I was 19 and she was 20 when she had the surgery. I was discussing it with Mommom, who just didn’t see the need for the surgery or to spend money on such things.
“Honey I don’t …know why she wants to do this. She has a nice nose. Now, if it were YOU, I’d understand.”
Maybe it’s just a thing with noses for her. My dad was a good looking guy, very handsome. Mommom told me she worried when he was born that he’d never grow into his nose. Huh? Was his nose bigger than his head? Maybe his baby nose and my adult nose were horrific and terrifying sights.
Either way, it’s my nose and I’m keeping it.
This is my own personal episode of the 1997 television series, “Just Shoot Me.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve asked my mom how she is or if she needs anything…. and gotten this response.
Me: “What can I do for you, how can I help?”
Mom: “Give me a gun.”
A gun, really? You want to shoot yourself? Or do you want to shoot me? I seriously doubt it’s for a shopping mall rampage but, just in case, I’ve responded no to the request thus far. Jeez, holy martyr batman.
Known for her frequent, bold misuse of words, my sister keeps us on our toes! Try some of these on for a smile:
Post Thanksgiving food coma. Levy’s lying around commiserating about our shameless overindulgence.
“I’m exhausted from the kryptonite.”
“You know, the stuff in turkey that makes you tired.”
Uh yeah, that would be tryptophan. Phew, Superman skirted disaster with that one!
Sara and I stay in close touch regarding our mom’s health. It’s really important for us to be in sync in case of any health emergencies. This phone call was priceless:
Ring, ring. “Hey, it’s me. Mom has sedentary.”
She has what?
“You know, that dangerous intestinal disease, she needs to move around more.”
Hmmmm….. dysentery comes to mind, but Sara did have a good point. Mom needs to exercise.
That is all.